I’ve snowboarded for about 8 hours so far (well, 8 hours in the past 7 years). I would like to share some thoughts I’ve had.

Tying a person’s feet to a board and throwing them down a hill would be a good form a torture.

You can practice getting on a chairlift by having someone tie your feet together and push a chair behind you.

You can practice getting off a lift by having someone tie your feet together throw you off a roof.

Snowboarders’ paradox: you cannot slow down unless you are in control, but you cannot be in control unless you slow down.

Corollary to the snowboarders’ paradox: Sure, you can slow down by falling, but once you get up, you will be out of control.

You will probably look like a dick as you run into people and cut people off due to your lack of experience.

Get off the practice hill and move to the easy hills as soon as you can.

Good luck turning to your toe side.